An article from past president, Nancy Haas....

 

Helicopter Parents and the HR Dilemma

By Nancy A. Haas, SPHR

 

 

As a parent, do you tend to hover over your children, even as they pursue their careers?  As a human resources professional, are you struggling with how to handle calls from your employees’ parents?      

 

As described in Wikipedia, the term ‘helicopter parent’ is applied to a “person who pays extremely close attention to his or her child/children…they rush to prevent any harm from befalling them or letting them learn from their own mistakes…they hover closely overhead, rarely out of reach whether their children need them or not.”  

 

The generation experiencing this fairly recent phenomenon is often referred to as the millennial, tethered, or connected generation.  They are the generation most connected through technology via iPods, blogs, and cell phones.  But they are also connected in another way - to their parents.  This is Generation Y - the generation that has led the most structured lives of all four generations in today’s workplace, partly due to growing up in an environment filled with scheduled activities.   This has led to moms and dads who want the best for their children often stepping in to ‘make it right’ at play, at school, and now at work.

 

Hovering is a behavior that parents start to exhibit with their young children by protecting them from the experience of ‘losing’, at a game of Candy Land* for example.  It continues through adolescence.  A case in point is a recent news article about a teen driver who, after being pulled over for a minor traffic violation, called his mother.  The mother rushed down to her teen’s aid and interfered with the policeman’s questioning of her son, resulting in the mother’s arrest and release on $1,000 bail.  This parental behavior continues through college where academic institutions must address direct involvement by parents in the college admissions process, to the point that they write the entrance essays, or ‘interview’ at the job fairs on their child’s behalf.  Colleges and universities find themselves developing special school orientation programs, or parent booths at job fairs, designed to address this parental need to ‘stay connected’ in their children’s lives.

 

And now it has reached the halls and cubicles of corporate America where human resources and management are receiving an increasing number of calls from parents who want to intercede when their child receives a less than stellar performance review, or is passed over for promotion.  It is surprising since some of these parents are professionals themselves, familiar with the employment process and aware of the importance of employee-manager relationships.  However, they are on a mission, taking responsibility for their children’s success and sometimes forgetting that performance issues are between employee and employer.  Human resources is receiving calls from parents who are dismayed at the perceived lack of information made available to them regarding their son or daughter’s performance.      

 

Granted, not all ‘twenty-somethings’ reach out to their parents for help, but those that do place employers in a difficult situation in trying to protect the privacy of their employees.  The workplace is where employees have opportunities to learn, grow, make mistakes, and excel as individuals and team members.  In the business world employees are expected to work with their managers in matters relating to performance; managers are not expected to work with parents or guardians.  Human resources and managers cannot discuss performance or employee relations issues with anyone outside the organization unless legally required to do so.  Protecting confidentiality takes precedence over a well-meaning parent’s “need to know”.

 

It is right that parents should care about their children’s future and want what’s best for them.  They play a vital role in preparing their children for the future by providing the values to build upon, such as integrity and work ethic. But once their sons and daughters enter the corporate world, they must realize that it is their son or daughter, the employee, who is responsible for his or her own actions.  Once in the workplace, parents need to ‘let go’ and turn over responsibility for success to their offspring.  Employers help employees to be successful and reach their highest potential, while protecting their right to privacy.  Together, they each play a role in helping this new generation of workers achieve success as individuals and as members of a team.

 

*Candy Land is a product of Hasbro.

 

Nancy A. Haas is president of Haas Consulting Services, LLC, providing consulting and training in human resource and workplace issues.  She can be reached at 203-426-0298, nahaas@haasconsultingservices.com, or www.haasconsultingservices.com.  Nancy Haas is certified a Senior Professional in Human Resources and is a  former president of the Western CT Chapter of the Society for Human Resource Management (shrmwc.org).